Transformers: Rise of the Beasts Review!

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is a CGI bot bashing fun movie with interesting characters! The film is directed by Steven Caple Jr. who previously directed Creed II (2018) so he is familiar with franchises and action. Caple Jr. also directed the first episode of the Transformers: Earthspark series. Joby Harold has written the story and co-screenplay. He also wrote six episodes of the Obi-Wan Kenobi series. There is also a screenplay team including Erich and Jon Hoeber, co-writers of The Meg (2018), Darnell Metayer, and Josh Peters, writers of the BMF crime series. It is a follow up to the recent Bumblebee (2018) movie that rebooted the Transformers film franchise. The opening of that movie had the Autobots defeated by the Decepticons on their homeworld of Cybertron. Their leader, Optimus Prime, orders B-127, Bumblebee, to scout Earth. In 1987, he is found by Charlie Watson (Hailee Steinfeld) in a junkyard. Bumblebee teams up with Charlie and the military organization, Sector 7, to defeat the Decepticons who tracked him to Earth. It opens at an asteroid belt and we move past it to a ringed planet. 

The Transformer planet, Unicron (Colman Domingo), is about to consume the world, but sends his minions to retrieve the Transwarp Key. Domingo is known for his role as Eli in the series, Euphoria. He takes over from the legendary Orson Welles in his last screen role(!) in the animated Transformers the Movie (1986). There are characters and plot points from that film. A planet destroying villain is very much like Galactus from Fantastic Four comics. The world is inhabited by Maximal Transformers, they are from the early CG animated series, Beast Wars: Transformers (1996-1999). Unicron’s forces, the Terrorcons, are led by Scourge voiced by Peter Dinklage. Scourge was introduced in Transformers the Movie. He encounters from the forests, the gorilla Transformer, Apelinq (David Sobolov), many of the characters are not easily identified in the film. Sobolov is a voice artist who also played Blitzwing in Bumblebee and several characters in this movie. He carries the Transwarp Key in his mouth, but it is knocked out by Scourge. Apelinq is joined by other Maximals; Cheetor, Rhinox, self explanatory, Airazor, a falcon, and a King Kong-like Primal. There was a Mechani-Kong in the Kaiju movie, King Kong Escapes (1967). 

The Maximals take on the Terrorcons, Scorponoks, scorpion bots. Apelinq hands the Transwarp Key to Optimus Primal (Ron Perlman) and he will stay behind to give them time to escape. The actor voiced Podesta in Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022). Primal is a compassionate leader and savage fighter, in contrast to the Autobot leader at this point. Apelinq activates blades on his arms to take on Scourge. He is blasted by the Terrorcon leader which takes out half of his shoulder! Scourge tears off Apelinq's Transformer insignia to take as a trophy! The ship escapes the world using the Transwarp Key, but Unicron sends a massive claw to destroy the planet!  This moves to 1994, New York City where we still see the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, kinda sobering. In his apartment is Noah Diaz (Anthony Ramos) soldering a piece of electronics. Ramos was Usnavi in the brilliant musical, In the Heights (2021). Noah is a former soldier who is very grounded with current issues. He has a walkie talkie that he communicates with his brother, Kris (Dean Scott Vazquez). The actor also starred as Sedo in the film, In The Heights. 

Their mother, Breanna (Luna Lauren Velez), gives Kris his medicine and reminds Noah about his interview. Velez voiced Rio Morales, Miles’ mother, in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. Kris has difficulty eating his breakfast and Noah sees that he can’t hold a fork with his swollen hand. Kris has Sickle Cell disease and can’t go running off to adventures. They are the heart of this movie. He gives the electronic piece to a neighborhood friend, Reek (Tobe Nwigwe). The actor is also a rapper who stars in Mo. At Ellis Island under the Statue of Liberty is a natural history museum. On the actual island is the National Museum of Immigration. Elena Wallace (Dominique Fishback) brings in a tray of coffee. Fishback played Deborah Johnson in the historical drama, Judas and the Black Messiah (2021). The museum director, Jillian (Sarah Stiles), tells Elena that the police are investigates counterfeit pieces for an art auction. Stiles was in the drama series, Billions. Elena easily identifies the fake artifacts and Jillian takes credit for Elena’s finding. Still, Elena’s interest is more centered on a falcon statuette, on the back is a Transformers symbol! Jillian says the statuette is going to be taken away and Elena starts writing symbols on it on her palm. 

At a hospital, Noah finds that Kris won’t be accepted since they are three months behind on their medical bills!, a real world problem. Noah, later is in his suit for his interview with the head of security, Mr. Bishop (Aidan Devine). He is told that his old commanding officer in the army has said he is irresponsible. Mr. Bishop rejects him. A veteran unable to get health care for his family and a job. Noah says to Kris, “No one is coming to save us. We’re alone in this.” At night, Noah is in Reek's car nervously waiting as Reek tells him to use breathing exercises. Inside the museum, while Jillian checks her dress for a party, Elena disputes that the statuette is not of Horus, but possibly Aztec or Incan. Noah sneaks in an alley and then goes through a laundry room coached by Reek via earphones. He reaches the garage to steal a grey Porsche with a blue stripe. Noah uses a metal rod to unlock the door, it locks itself, but finally is able to open the door. We see the Transformers symbol on the Porsche! Elena scans the statue, it breaks open to reveal what looks like the Transwarp Key, and it sends up a bright signal past the Earth! 

A Freightliner truck transforms into Optimus Prime, voiced by Peter Cullen, the Autobot leader. He sees the beacon from the Transwarp Key and makes a broadcast, “Calling all Autobots!” This may be their way back home to Cybertron! A Ducati motorcycle and rider transforms into Arcee (Liza Koshy), she is one of the few female Transformers and introduced in Transformers the Movie. Koshy is a YouTube personality and also in this year’s dramatic film, Cat Person. A yellow and black Camaro becomes Bumblebee. It is also heard in the Porsche occupied by a very surprised Noah. A security guard pulls a gun on him and Noah tries to explain, “The car, it’s possessed!” Noah finds the Porsche running into the streets Herbie, The Love Bug (1968)-style. They are soon chased by police cars. Noah talks to the car and tells it to take the bridge. The car generates holograms of itself to throw off the police. It heads to a warehouse and Noah is spun out of the Porsche! Then, Mirage (Pete Davidson) transforms from the car. Davidson is known for SNL and also appeared in another car movie this year, Fast X. His voice work for Mirage is funny and is our Transformers connection. Mirage tries to form a friendship with Noah and then Optimus Prime and the other Autobots appear. 

Optimus is distrustful of Noah and humans, the Autobots have been hidden from humans except Bumblebee, and Optimus has a bit of a character arc here. He is an imperfect leader at this point. Arcee projects a hologram of the Transwarp Key and says that Energon rich planets are searched for by Unicron. Noah tries to slip away, but Mirage wants Noah to break in to the museum. Mirage offers to turn himself into a Lamborghini or Ferrari to raise money for Noah and his family and then drive away. Noah mentions the beacon he can’t see which explains why a massive light is unnoticed by non-Transformers. The deal is made and Mirage takes the form of a garbage truck to bring in Noah to the museum at night. Three red comets splash into the Hudson River. Scourge has arrived! The Terrorcon, Nightbird (Michaela Jae Rodriguez) searches the island. The actress was Carolyn in tick, tick… BOOM! (2021). Then, the power goes out. Elena hears broken glass. She puts the Transwarp Key in a backpack. Noah enters and sees the key, he tries to explain about it, but Elena punches him in the struggle! A museum guard interrupts them, but then an explosion tears apart a wall! Elena sees Scourge and says she believes Noah’s story. Scourge sends a Freezer, a spider-like bot, after the key. 

Optimus Prime with the other Autobots were monitoring Noah and engage with Scourge, Nightbird, and Battletrap (Sobolov) with a chain-flail. Noah and Elena make their way down the museum stairs to escape the Freezer. Optimus Prime is defeated by Scourge and Bumblebee is captured by the Terrorcon leader saying to Optimus, “O Captain, My Captain.” Yes, he is a robot, but dramatic to see the cost of this battle! It is stopped by the Maximal, Airazor (Michelle Yeoh), who napalms the battlefield! Yeoh is of course currently Guanyin in the American Born Chinese series. Scourge has captured the Transwarp Key and retreats. He contacts Unicron to present the key, but is tortured for his failure! Airazor explains that it was split in two. Elena notes her discovery that it is in a temple in Peru. Noah goes to his apartment to talk with Kris and Mirage listens in. Mirage makes a promise to Kris that Noah will return. The next day, the Autobots meet outside the city with their allies, and are met by the sputtering, clunky cargo plane, Stratosphere (John DiMaggio). The actor voices Uncle Arthur in The Super Mario Bros. Movie.  He will take them to Peru and a fateful meeting with Optimus Primal and the Maximals. Rhinox is voced by Sobolov and Tongayi Chirisa, who is in Mayfair Witches, voices Cheetor. They have to stop Scourge from bringing Unicron to destroy the Earth! There is more bot battles that is just CGi spectacular, but can get absurd against hordes of Freezer drones. There is a mid-credits scene. The Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback characters are important to defeat Unicron. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is an entertaining film that has the best parts of the classic cartoon rendered with current effects!

Five Transwarp Key Parts out of Five! 

#TransformersRiseOfTheBeasts, #StevenCapleJr, #AnthonyRamos, #DominiqueFishback, #PeterCullen, #PeteDavidson, #LizaKoshy, #MichelleYeoh, #RonPerlman, #PeterDinklage, #MichaelaJaeRodriguez, #DeanScottVazquez, #LunaLaurenVelez, #TobeNwigwe 

Happy Birthday Michael J. Fox!

Happy Birthday Michael J. Fox! He had many tv roles, but it was really Alex P. Keaton that made Fox well known when the sitcom Family Ties ran from 1982-1989. His most timeless part was as Marty McFly in Back to the Future (1985). Fox won Emmy awards for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series in 1986-1988. He was also the lead in Teen Wolf (1985). Then, he was in the comedy movie, The Secret of My Success (1987).  One of Fox’s dramatic roles that stays with me is Brian De Palma’s Vietnam War drama, Casualties of War (1989). He returned as Marty McFly in Back to the Future Part II (1989) and Back to the Future Part III (1990). Fox had a 1991 episode of Tales from the Crypt. He was a paranormal investigator, Frank Bannister, in Peter Jackson’s The Frighteners (1996). Then, Fox was in Tim Burton’s wacky invasion Mars Attacks! (1996). Next, he was in another sitcom, Spin City (1996-2000) playing Mike Flaherty, Deputy Mayor of New York City. Fox repeated his Emmy win for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his last season. 

Stuart Little, based on E.B. White' 1945 book, featured Fox as the voice of the title character in Stuart Little (1999). In 2000, Fox founded the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. He voiced Milo James Thatch in Disney’s animated film, Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001). In 2002, Fox received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Also, he returned to voice the mouse in Stuart Little 2 (2002). Then, Fox was back in Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild (2005). Next, he had his own sitcom, The Michael J. Fox Show (2013-2014), as Mike Henry, which ran one season. Fox was in the Designated Survivor (2018) television series. Fox was in the sci fi movie, See You Yesterday (2019). In 2020, Fox played Louis Canning in The Good Fight. The animated short, Back Home Again (2021), featured Fox as Michael J. Bird! The documentary, Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie, is streaming on Apple+ covering the movies and life of the actor.  Happy Birthday Michael J. Fox!

#MichaelJFox, #FamilyTies, #BacktotheFuture, #TeenWolf, #TheSecretOfMySuccess, #CasualtiesOfWar, #TalesFromTheCrypt, #TheFrighteners, #MarsAttacks, #SpinCity, #StuartLittle, #MichaelJFoxFoundation, #AtlantisTheLostEmpire, #TheMichaelJFoxShow, #DesignatedSurvivor, #SeeYouYesterday, #TheGoodFight, #BackHomeAgain, #StillAMichaelJFoxMovie.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Re-View!

The Spider-Verse is expanding from the film that started it all with Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018). It introduced movie audiences to Miles Morales who first appeared in Ultimate Fallout #4 (2011) by Brian Michael Bendis and Sara Pichelli. In the Ultimate Universe, Peter Parker had died, and Miles took up the mantle as the new Spider-Man. In the first Spider-Verse film, Miles was with his uncle, Aaron Davis, when he was bitten by the radioactive spider. It was from the Alchemax lab. The Kingpin was hoping to find an alternate universe with his wife and son still alive; he used a collider that opened the realities. Miles sees the collider, Spider-Man dies saving him, and he later finds Peter B. Parker who helps Miles to become the new Spider-Man. Miles’ unique powers include bo-electric Venom Blasts and a invisibilty like camouflage. Then, Miles encounters Gwen Stacy, Spider-Woman, and the other Spider-people! 

 

The film has a new directing team from the first movie; Joachim dos Santos who directed episodes of The Legend of Korra animated series, Kemp Powers, co-director of Soul (2020), and Justin K. Thompson, production designer of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It is written by the team of Phil Lord, co-writer of the earlier film, joined by his directing partner, Chris Miller, who produced Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It opens with the Comics Code Authority stamp. The makers are comic book fans. The narration begins by Hailee Steinfeld who returns to voice Gwen Stacy. She says, “Let’s do things differently” and focuses on her origin. This is on Earth-65, the year that Gwen first appeared in the comics with Amazing Spider-Man #31. 

She is playing drums when her riff is interrupted by her band, the Mary Janes hinting at Peter's other girlfriend, Mary Jane Watson. Gwen is kicked out the band and we find Peter Parker (Jack Quaid) bullied at school. Quaid voices Ensign Brad Boimler in the animated Star Trek: Lower Decks. He is invited over for dinner at the Stacy house. At a school dance, Gwen finds the Lizard, she is able to defeat him. Then, the Lizard transforms back to Peter Parker! He had taken the serum to be like Gwen, but Peter ends up dying. Captain George Stacy (Shea Whigham), Gwen’s father, suspects that Spider-Woman is guilty of Peter’s death! Whigham plays Pete Strickland in the dramatic show, Perry Mason. 

Gwen is on the run and hounded by the media including of course, J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons). The actor has played J. Jonah in many Spider films including Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021). Gwen meets with her father at their home and deals with themes of the movie; the tragic consequences of taking the role of a hero. He hears a Superhuman Event on the police radio. Gwen hesitates, but has to help as Spider-Woman so heads to the Guggenheim Museum on the Upper East Side. She webs up Captain Stacy and then continues in to face a Vulture, Adriano Tomino (Jorma Taccone), out of the Renaissance. He looks like he is a parchment sketch. Taccone played Green Goblin in Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Spider-Man 2099 (Oscar Isaac) appears from a portal to deal with the Vulture. Isaac reprises the cameo he made in the last film. 

Miguel O’Hara was introduced in 1992 with Spider-Man 2099 #1. The best part is seeing a copy of that issue in the film. He has a muscle man shape and in the comics has a regeneration ability. Still, the Vulture proves enough of a threat that Spider-Man 2099 calls on his A.I. LYLA (Greta Lee) for some help. Lee also made a cameo in Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse with Isaac. Help arrives in the form of the motorcycle-riding Spider-Woman (Issa Rae) also known as Jessica Drew. Rae appears in A Black Lady Sketch Show. The comic book character first appeared in Marvel Spotlight #32 (1977). She is pregnant and we will probably see the father and child in the sequel. Jessica is impressed with Gwen’s skills, but Miguel refuses to put her on the team. They are able to defeat the Vulture, but a police helicopter spins out of control. 

Gwen is able to web and strain to hold it up. This impresses Miguel enought to allow Gwen on the team. Jessica gives her a watch that can allow multiverse travel. Captain Stacy has his gun on Gwen, she reveals herself, but he keeps his gun on his daughter! Miguel webs Captain Stacy and Gwen can only look as she enters the multiverse portal and leaves. A great introduction to the Spider-Verse, two new, important characters from it, and brings us up to date on Gwen Stacy. We return to Earth-1610, the Brooklyn of Miles Morales, where his parents, Rio (Luna Lauren Velez) and Jefferson (Brian Tyree Henry) are discussing college for Miles with his guidance counselor, Ms. Weber (Rachel Dratch). Henry and Velez return to their roles from the first film, Henry voices Leo Matienne for this year’s The Magician’s Elephant, and Velez is in the upcoming Transformers: Rise of the Beasts. Dratch is known for her Saturday Night Live days and provides voices for the cartoon show Mulligan. 

Miles (Shameik Moore) is busy at bodega, there is a spin rack of comics, that was when comic books were everywhere! Moore reprises the part of Miles Morales and was in the superhero dramatic film, Samaritan (2022). A supervillain, The Spot (Jason Schwartzman) in white and black spots is busy robbing an ATM machine. The bizarre villain was introduced in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #98 (1985). The Spot reveals to Miles, “I’m from your past one year ago.” Miles is clever enough to trap The Spot in his own portals. Then, he heads to the school, after quickly changing at his dorm room. The scene where Ms. Weber reveals Miles’ Spanish grade is funny, but that one I felt his mother’s reaction through the movie screen! Miles says he intends to go to Princeton and learn about interdimensional travel. He sees that the Spot has escaped and makes excuses to chase after him. Jefferson also gets an alert and also says he has to leave the meeting. 

Miles goes to Alchemax and confront The Spot. He was the scientist, Dr. Johnathan Ohnn, that Miles threw a bagel at during his escape in the last movie! Great, strange connection to Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. The villain declares, “I am your nemesis!”, but Miles doesn’t take him seriously. The Spot gets himself trapped in his portal. Jefferson talks with Spider-Man, Miles deepens his voice, about becoming captain and about his son. The Spot travels through his portals to different Multiverses, there are a number of shocking cameos in this film!, and searches for a way to increase his power! Jefferson’s rooftop party for his promotion to captain is missing Miles. Spider-Man is busy fighting crime and picking up a cake for his father. 

When he does finally reach the party, his parents are angry, and Miles is grounded for a month! He is frustrated about his secret identity and is about to reveal it, but the party is watching the conversation! He returns to his room with his headphones on and doesn’t notice Gwen watching him from a portal. Gwen later meets Miles’ parents, he follows her, and ends up in Earth-50101 meeting Pavitr Prabhakar (Karan Soni). Miles Morales finds himself in the Spider-Verse with countless Spider-People (and animals) including Hobie Brown (Daniel Kaluuya), Spider-Punk from Amazing Spider-Man #10 (2015) and Spider-Byte (Amandla Stenberg), the monitor of the Spider-Verse. Also, the re-appearance of his mentor, Peter B. Parker (Jake Johnson). Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse has a darker tone than the previous movie, sensible with this being the middle film of the Spider-Verse trilogy, but the middle act slows  before a strong ending!  '

Four Multiverses out of Five! 

#SpiderManAcrossTheSpiderVerse, #JoaquimDosSantos, #KempPowers, #JustinKThompson, #ShameikMoore, #HaileeSteinfeld, #IssaRae, #JakeJohnson, #AmandlaStenberg, #OscarIsaac, #KaranSoni, #BrianTyreeHenry, #LunaLaurenVelez, #SheaWhigham, #JackQuaid, #JasonSchwartzman, #MahershalaAli, #JormaTaccone, #RachelDratch  

Re:tro Re:view - Centurion!

Centurion is the violent, survival, historical war film about Roman survivors lost in the deadly Pictland! One of the historical mysteries is the disappearance of a legion headed north of Roman controlled Britain. It is answered in this historical action pic by writer/director Neil Marshall. He wrote and directed the horror movie, The Descent (2005) and later directed the "Blackwater" episode of Game Thrones. It is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. We hear snowy winds blowing as we see a map of Germania that soon moves to Northern Britain. 

It is 117 A.D. and the Roman Empire has reached to the frontier. This is where they encountered the Picts, the region is now known as Scotland, it has been 20 years since the empire has been stopped. Now there are orders to invade “by any means necessary”! We move across a snowy field, there is some looming titles, and then into the harsh, winter landscape. There is the bluish white figure of a man, played by Michael Fassbender. The actor is known for playing the younger Erik Lensherr in X-Men: First Class (2011). The man is running, shirtless in the cold, his wrists bound and a bloody cut on his chest! He stumbles and then rolls on the snow. 

We get his narration, this is Quintus Dias, “a soldier of Rome.” He says this is not the beginning or the end for him. In media res. Then, we get “2 weeks earlier.” Soldier ride from the fort of Inch-Tuth-Il, the “most northerly garrison.” Quintus is watching from one of the towers as he says it has been two years since he was posted on the frontier. He walks away and notes that the frostbite is taking away soldiers while the Pict King Gorlacon have been conducting hit and run raids. Quintus walks into the camp and notes that it is a “war without honor.” 

A soldier goes to relieve himself off the walls of the fort. He is horribly killed by a Pict spear! Quintus wakes up in his tent when the alarm is sounded. A flaming arrow loosed by a female archer, her character is named Aeron (Axelle Carolyn), takes a victim. Carolyn is a director, but has starred in the horror movie, Psychosis (2010). The violence of the battle is brutal! A messenger is sent by Quintus on horseback, but another of Aeron’s arrows kills him. Quintus, in his tunic, kills some of the Picts. A burly Pict, named Vortix (Dave Legeno), batters aside his sword and knocks him down. Legeno starred as Fenrir Greyback in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009). 

Quintus tells him in Pictish to go to hell. Vortix pulls up Quintus and then knocks him out with a head butt! We then move to an arm wrestling contest at the Ninth Legion garrison in York. This is won by a soldier, Virilus (Dominic West). The actor played Sab Than in John Carter (2012). His opponent (Dhafer L’Abidine) knocks aside the mug of ale to stab a dagger into the table! Virilus tells his fellow soldier, Septus (Lee Ross) to watch his back. Grey in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014) was portrayed by Ross. The loser wants another match. 

Virilus asks Septus Virilus slams his hand down again by the dagger, his opponent eyes it, and Virilus stabs his arm with the dagger! The loser’s men stand against Virilus’ soldiers and Septus is given the order. They begin a vicious brawl! In the morning, Virilus dunks his head into a water barrel. Septus says he shouldn’t be drinking with the men. A messenger rides up and asks Virilus if he was fighting. The envoy of Governor Agricola wants to see the general. Virilus wants to see the message and Septus addresses him as general, General Titus Virilus! The messenger kneels and hands the general the scroll. General Virilus tells Septus, a second of exhaustion, that they are going to war. 

Quintus is led by the Picts who are horseback. At night, he is knocked around by the Picts, and then sees Gorlacon (Ulrich Thomsen). The 2011 remake of The Thing starred Thomsen. Quintus explains that he was a farmer until his wife was killed and took revenge as king. He relieves himself into a bucket and Quintus’s face is forced into it! Gorlacon takes his young son (Ryan Atkinson) to know his enemy. A knife carves into Quintus’ chest, the son tries to look away, but Gorlacon makes him watch. Quintus is thrown, his hands tied, into a room of hay. Next, we get Carlisle, the headquarters of Governor Agricola. 

The governor (Paul Freeman) wants Gorlacon brought as a prisoner. Freeman played Belloq in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). General Virius knows that the war is just the ambition for the governor to return to Rome. He just needs to find Gorlacon. Governor Agricola takes the general to meet someone. His aide picks up a dagger, Virilus turns with his sword, but the killer has his hand severed and his throat sliced by the spear wielded by the woman, Etain (Olga Kurylenko). The actress starred as Camille in Quantum of Solace (2008). It was all a display set up by the governor to show the skills of Etain. 

She is mute, but assigned as Virilus’ guide to the Picts. Up in the mountains, again we see Quintus on the run, the soldiers are at camp. In the morning, we see the eagle crest of the Ninth Legion. Etain holds sand out and then cuts her hand with a sword, she watches the Ninth head out on horseback. Lightning strikes as the Legion marches into a forest. At a campfire, the jokester Thax (JJ Feild) walks over to Etain, even though he is warned. Feild played James Montgomery Falsworth in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). Etain is not amused. 

In the morning, we see Quintus trying to cut the ropes on a rock, but the Pict horseriders are after him. He continues running on the forest road. On a hill above, Etain sees the chase, later she rides up with Septus reports about the Picts chasing the Roman. Quintus falls to his knees exhausted. A Pict is about to cut his throat, but shouts at General Virilus riding up! The soldiers run down the Picts and a coin toss determines who will take care of the last Pict. General Virilus points out that Etain saved Quintus. At night, Quintus now washed up and in armor, reports to the general. He is calling on Quintus to return to find Gorlacon. Quintus says his father was a gladiator and won his freedom. 

He introduces Centurion Quintus to the group with Etain sitting apart from them. The other soldier is Bothos played by David Morrissey. The Governor in The Walking Dead was played by Morrissey. Quintus is impressed at the loyalty of the men to General Virilus. A misty morning and the Ninth Legion continues to march. They are watched by a Pict rider as they enter a forest. Etain broodily watches the general before continuing into the mist with the scouts. A pine tree falls in front of the column, a trap!, the legion forms up. Septus calls on the shield formation with spears pointed outwards. 

They hear shouting and horns in the mist. General Virilus orders Quintus to relay the order for the rear detachment to retreat. Septus repeats, “Watching.” From the top of the hills surrounding them, several balls of fire, boulder-sized, crash into the formations! Picts run down screaming! It’s a gore splattered battle! Quintus is unhorsed, falls in a ravine, and then bodies of soldiers stack on top of him! General Virilus is pulled down from his horse. Etain rides up to Gorlacon on a hill. In the aftermath, Quintus reaches and pulled out of the mass of bodies by Bothos. He in turn says he was saved by Brick. Liam Cunningham plays the veteran soldier and also Davos Seaworth in Game of Thrones. 

The trio look down from a hill to see the landscape of corpses. They are joined by Thax and two other soldiers; Macros (Noel Clarke) and Leonidas, a scout. Clark is known for playing Mickey Smith in Doctor Who. Leonidas was also in Doctor Who for “The God Complex” (2011) episode. Leonidas says he saw the general taken prisoner. A remaining Pict screams after them, but killed by the axe thrown by a Roman in a tunic. He says his name is Tarak (Riz Ahmed) and he’s a cook! Ahmed played Bodhi Rook in Rogue One (2016). Quintas tells them to scavenge supplies and to lose their armor for the hunt to find the general. 

They run through the forest and Macros takes the lead. Tarak tells Quintus that Macros was a marathon runner! We see a Pict hunting party pass by a leafy area that perfectly hides the camoflagued soldiers! They reach a river and begin taking the fresh water when they hear a horse. Aeron with her bow and Etain with an axe hunt down two Roman Centurions. Their blood flows past the others taking cover by a fallen tree. It is an almost impossible hunt to slip through Pict lines to find the general and then somehow return to Roman controlled lands! A powerful and ruthless performance by Olga Kurylenko! The Centurion is a relentless chase through blood-splattered conflicts with a group of soldiers and survivors led by Quintus Dias, played by Michael Fassbender! 

Five Axes out of Five! 

#Centurion, #NeilMarshall, #MichaelFassbender, #OlgaKurylenko, #DominicWest, #LeeRoss, #DavidMorrissey, #LiamCunningham, #NoelClarke, #RizAhmed, #DimitriLeonidas, #JJFeild, #PaulFreeman, #UlrichThomsen, #AxelleCarolyn, #DaveLegero

Re:tro Re:view - The Hobbit (1977)!

The Hobbit, intended for a children audience fits with the tone of Tolkien’s novel, is a charming story with anime style The animated special broadcast in 1977 by NBC. It was the only depiction of J.R.R. Tolkien’s works outside of his books until the more adult themed The Lord of the Rings (1978) by Ralph Bakshi. The tv special was from Rankin/Bass with animation by Top Craft, a Japanese anime studio that eventually became Studio Ghibli. It was adapted by Romeo Muller who also wrote the stop motion Rankin/Bass special, Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town (1970). It is currently streaming on Max. There is some folk guitar as we get a book with “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” The narration is by legendary director and screenwriter John Huston, his film work includes the classic The African Queen (1951), he also voices Gandalf. There is something rural, gentle, grand about his voice that can become forceful as Gandalf. The book is known as the Red Book of Westmarch that later records The Lord of the Rings. On the side it reads, “There and Back Again: A Hobbit’s Holiday”, which mistakedly reads by “J.R.R. Tolkien” when it should be the Hobbit author. 

Clouds roll covering the book and then revealing the map of Eriador, this is the north-west region of Middle-Earth. The narrator explains that men “shared the land with Elves, Dwarves, Wizards, Goblins, Dragons and… Hobbits.” The watercolor designs look like fairy tale illustrations like what J.R.R. Tolkien illustrated for the book. We are introduced to the Shire, Hobbiton, and finally the Hobbit hole. This is the introduction right out of Tolkien’s The Hobbit (1937). The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) attempts to connect the trilogy to the earlier book with the older Bilbo (Ian Holm). We see the portly shape, bulbous nose, and kind face of Bilbo Baggins cheerfully places a dish on a shelf. He takes out a pipe (probably not appropriate for today’s young audiences) and blows smoke rings. Suddenly, Gandalf appears, not the worn robes of the trilogy, but blue cone hat and cape and grey robes. He has bushy eyebrows and a long, white beard. Gandalf breaks the smoke rings with his staff and addresses Bilbo Baggins about hiring a burglar. 

Bilbo is voiced by Orson Bean who was in the Twilight Zone episode, “Mr. Bevis” (1960) as the hapless, but kind title character. 

He refuses saying adventures will make him late for dinner. Closeup of Gandalf’s eyes as lightning flashes across it! Gandalf introduces himself and Bilbo knows of his reputation. He points out to Bilbo the woods where we hear part of “Misty Mountains.” The Dwarves appear, in the book and films, they appear at his door for the party. Thorin makes his introduction. He is voiced by the talented Hans Conried who also voiced Captain Hook in Peter Pan (1953). Thorin has a large nose, wrinkled face and grey beard with a light blue hood. A change from the long, brown haired warrior played by Richard Armitage in the films. He then points out the other Dwarves, all chosen by Tolkien from the Norse Poetic Edda. Jack DeLeon voices Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Ori, Nori, Bifur, and Bofur! Lastly, we have the portly Bombur who leads the ponies. Voice legend Paul Frees voices Bombur. He is the voice of many Disney attractions and also Boris Badenov from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. We get a humorous bit of “Blunt the Knives” as the Dwarves awkwardly prepare drinks and carry away dishes! It becomes dark when the Dwarves again sing the beginning of “Misty Mountains.” 

Gandalf says to Bilbo that the song has an effect on him. Bilbo admits it makes him want to explore. Thorin interrupts the music and holds up a mug. They toast to Bilbo, but he doesn’t know about the journey. Thorin starts the story of the treasure at Lonely Mountain, the grey spire is like a hood with a gaping cavern and bridges. He says it was ruled by The King Under the Mountain, his grandfather. We see the Dwarves in the halls of Erebor. Gandalf continues with the rhymes of “Misty Mountain” as the Dwarves work the forges. The goblets are offered up to the King Under the Mountain. Thorin adds that the wealth brought the dragon. We see a Dwarf wagon going up to the mountain. The dragon breathes fire down on the Dwarves and then destroys the town of Dale. The Dwarves try to stand up to the dragon which destroys the Dwarf kingdom. Thorin leads the toast to curse the dragon Smaug. Bilbo shrieks “Eeeee!”, funny!, and then Thorin shows him the contract.  Bilbo pauses at the “funeral expense” part of the contract and Gandalf agrees for him. He says, “Tomorrow begins your greatest adventure” to the cheers of the Dwarves. Then, we get “The Greatest Adventure” song from folk singer, Glenn Yarbrough. 

Bilbo dreams of himself as King Under the Mountain! He wakes to see the morning sun and the Dwarves waiting for him on ponies. They make the journey up a mountain, Bilbo is miserable, he remarks to Bombur that Gandalf suddenly appeared ahead of them. Later, Thorin calls for a rest and a signal is made to Thorin by the lookout, Balin. He shows the others the three Trolls around a campfire. Gandalf is gone. Thorin has Bilbo go out to take some of the food from the Trolls. These Dwarves are not warriors of Gimli’s caliber. A fault of the Peter Jackson trilogy. They are brave, but misguided in their attempt to take back their homeland. Still, they are bumbling, older Dwarves here which seems to be more in line with Tolkien. Bilbo tries to sneak over to the campfire, but is found by a Troll and lifted up above the fire.  The others say, “he wouldn’t make a mouthful”, and Bilbo tries to warn the Dwarves. The Trolls go out to capture the Dwarves and Bilbo is tossed aside. Bilbo takes refuge in the Troll’s cave. Out of the woods, Gandalf appears, and the dawning sun transforms the Trolls to stone. The Dwarves were stuffed into sacks. Gandalf frees them and Bilbo calls them over to the cave where he has found the Troll stolen treasure. 

Thorin has found a sword and Gandalf says they were stolen. He notes the runes on the sword. Thorin orders the treasure covered up for their return. Bilbo has found his own blade. Gandalf stops Thorin to show them a map of Lonely Mountain. Bilbo looks at it and discovers a pointed hand to a secret entrance to the mountain! Gandalf takes a key from his sleeve to give to Thorin. They see below them a valley next to a river. On a cliff top, Gandalf announces to all of them that it is Rivendell. Bilbo is enchanted. The Elves sing, “In The Valley, Ha! Ha!” Elrond (Cyril Ritchard) with tiny stars ringing around his brows is their host at dinner. Ritchard became famous with his Captain Hook in the Broadway Peter Pan (1954). Thorin shows him his Troll sword, but Elrond says is actually Elvish made for the Goblin Wars and named Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver! He also identifies Gandalf’s sword, Glamdring the Foe Hammer, awesome names! Bilbo presents Elrond the map and holds it up to the moon. It reveals the runes for the secret door that will be revealed by the setting sun! 

Their journey continues into the Misty Mountains. Thorin finds shelter from the rain in a cave and calls for them to sleep. Bilbo has a dream of the Dwarves with “Blunt the Knives” and wakes up. He spots a crack in the cave, a boulder being moved!, and the ponies are pulled in! Bilbo shouts a warning to the Dwarves and we start to hear the Goblin song, “Down, Down To Goblin Town”, with a bit of rock song! Thorin leads them to rescue the ponies, but the Goblins close the boulder to seal them in! They look hideous more than any CGi beastie; fanged mouth and wide, grey, almost toad-faces! The Goblins show up in the darkness so they may be scary for young ones. The Dwarves and Bilbo shudder as the Goblins throw chains around them. The Great Goblin (John Stevenson) sees them bfore his throne. Stevenson voices the Great Goblin as well as Dori. He also voiced Fern’s father, John, in the animated Charlotte’s Web (1973). Thorin says they were only taking shelter, but a Goblin reveals Orcrist! The Great Goblin is outraged and opens his gaping, fanged mouth over Thorin! 

He is stopped by Gandalf’s voice, the cave is plunged into darkness, and a shining light rains down sparks! It is revealed to be the sword which the Great Goblin recognizes as Glamdring! The blade flashes and the Great Goblin is spun into Glamdring like the soul draining Stormblade of Elric of Melniboné! A cartoon way of ducking violence and instead it becomes a very cool scene! Bilbo then sees it is Gandalf who leads them away. They head to a tunnel chased by Goblins with torches! Dori carries Bilbo on his back, but Bilbo falls, rolls, and then plunges into a hole!  We see the subterreanean lake and hut of the toad-like Gollum! His voice is by Theodore, who also voicd Ruhk in The Last Unicorn (1982). He is interrupted by the fall of Bilbo into the lake. Bilbo takes out his sword which illuminates a pool and what he finds there sets into motion the events of Lord of the Rings! Bilbo faces many challenges before encountering Smaug voiced by Richard Boone. He was known for the Westner series, Have Gun - Will Travel. The Hobbit belongs on the shelf with other Tolkien adaptations with adventures perfect for family audiences, the hint of Lord of the Rings, and great animation!  

Five Moon Letters out of Five! 

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