Re:tro Re:view - Wonder Woman (1974)!

Wonder Woman (1974) was a made for television movie that was supposed to be a pilot for a series.  It was written by John D.F Black who wrote “The Naked Time” (1966) episode of Star Trek where the crew is afflicted by a planet’s biochemistry that releases their inhibitions.  This is more the Emma Peel phase of Wonder Woman where she went super spy learning martial arts from I Ching and wearing mod fashion.  Wonder Woman’s outfit even has the tunic, leggings, and boots from Wonder Woman #178 (1969).  

Still, this Wonder Woman has bracelets, but not to deflect bullets!  Blond-haired Cathy Lee Crosby plays Wonder Woman, a professional tennis player turned actress, but I recognize her as host of That’s Incredible! (1980-1984).  It is directed by Vincent McEveety who directed episodes of Star Trek and The Man from U.N.C.L.E.  You have to strip away most of what makes Wonder Woman, her powers, her origin, and instead think of this in the original Charlie’s Angels vibe. As such, this has an almost international span far above the series, but then lapses into set pieces and backlots.  
The ticking of a watch, signals a time when a military guard opens a safe to reveal blue and red books, entitled “Most Secret IX, X”, in Rio de Janeiro (just a location title).  More books are taken in Paris, Berlin, Istanbul, and London. “Perfect” says the mastermind as he closes his watch.  Taking the books in a briefcase is George Calvin played by Andrew Prine.  I recall Prine best as Stephen, the Visitor leader, in V: The Final Battle (1983). Prine plays up the Malcolm McDowell droog look.  

He casually chews a piece of gum while two brown-jacketed gunmen, Cass (Donna Garrett) and Joey (Robert Porter), enter a shoot the five guards with silencers (off screen).  Then, we get the striped logo and whining synthesizer score.  Next, there is the narration of Hippolyta (Charlene Holt) introducing a soft focus and foggy, jungle set which was shown as an island, though no specific identification of Paradise Island. Diana (Crosby) is in a white Greek-like tunic and says goodbye to her sisters including Dia (Beverly Gill) and Ahnjayla (Anitra Ford).  A nondescript building, Diana Prince (Crosby) has received a message that she delivers to Steve Trevor (Kaz Garas).  The characters are not identified. Steve Trevor is not a part of Diana’s origin.  

Diana looks like she is an executive assistant, not a mousy Diana Prince with glasses, and she is given a flower by Bob, Jordan Rhodes, one of the agents.  Trevor calls in the six agents to debrief them about the situation of  the loss of the code books with the identities of 39 agents.  They are being bribed for fifteen million dollars.  Diana overhears this in the next room.  This may be some sort of super hearing, but it’s not clear.  Trevor shows the agents film of operatives including Abner Smith who is only shown from the window of a car with a fancy walking stick.  

Bob asks Diana to dinner, she refuses, so he gives a kissed finger to her forehead.  She explains to Trevor that she will be out for dental appointment.  Next, we see Diana in a red, long-sleeved shirt and white skirt checking into a French hotel.  Joey calls George that Wonder Woman has checked into room 702.  Diana is in her normal clothes so it is confusing how Joey knows it is Wonder Woman.  George is in the room with the mysterious Abner Smith whom we only see from the back, but it is obviously the voice of Ricardo Montalban.  He is hidden until the third act, but we can identify him, and he even appears in a white suit like Mr. Roarke!  Diana takes the elevator to her room, she sees the trapdoor at the top, and pauses the elevator.  Joey drops down and she kicks him out of the elevator.  
In her room, Diana gets a phone call and finds a bug in the flowers, George calls her and says he will jump off the building to get dinner with her.  He makes a bet with Abner for $10,000 to have a successful date.  George invites Diana to sail on a yacht.  She leaves him and makes a phone call to Trevor.  They are interrupted by a car that is about to run through the phone booth.  Diana flips backwards on a awning, good stunt, and plants a tracking device on the car roof.  She tracks the car to a mansion, hears a groovy party, but it is just a tape recording.  

Diana picks up the phone and talks with Abner.  The car speeds off and the gate closes, Diana tosses her bracelet at the electrified gate, then traces the wires to a box to disconnect it.  She has a neighbor call her room and enters it, covered by Cass and Joey.  George has prepared a box for her and Diana defeats all of them with martial arts moves.  Clip of New York.  Diana walks the street and is identified by one of Abner’s men who contacts him.  He is surprised that she is there ahead of him.  This is later explained by a mention of the Invisible Jet.  Trevor receives a crate, he opens it to find a donkey!  Joey places a box underneath Diana’s couch.  George calls her and activates the box which opens for a snake.  
The snake slithers around her leg so Diana calls for room service!  She orders saucer of milk, the snake slips off her leg to go for the milk.  George talks with Abner and he goes to meet with Diana at his table.  He bribes her for millions of dollars to work for Abner.  She refuses and leaves George with a present, the snake.  She calls in to update Steve Trevor and then smiles when she notices one of her Amazon sisters, Dia.  Diana is informed that an Amazon, Ahnjayla, has left the island and can’t be trusted.  We then see Ahnjayla speaking with Abner.  She likes the expensive jewelry and Abner has her take care of George.  

A lab scientist has set an ultraviolet spray on a donkey and micro-transmitters on each hoof.  At a western town, Trevor has a truck to make the drop-off of the donkey with sacks containing the money.  He sends off the donkey.  This is about the extent of Steve Trevor’s involvement with this episode.  Then, Wonder Woman suddenly appears in her super outfit.  She takes care of Cass and Joey acting as snipers and escapes a mud-filled room.  Wonder Woman gets into a javelin fight with Ahnjayla, this is kinda cool, she has to defeat George and recover the code books.  I saw this on the DC Universe stream, it is also available on DVD, and it is nice to see this touch of 70’s nostalgia. It is not the Lynda Carter series or the recent Wonder Woman film, but an interesting entry to the Wonder Woman story.           
Three Code Books out of Five! 


#WonderWoman1974, #JohnDFBlack, #CathyLeeCrosby, #AndrewPrine

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